Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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