put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
