The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
