I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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