do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
