Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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