I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
