he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
