my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
