Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
