he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
