Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
