puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
