My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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