The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
