I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
