she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
