Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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