I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
