Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
