he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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