Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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