Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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