1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
