I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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