Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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