You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
