she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
