dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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