Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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