i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
