also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
