There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
