this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
