piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
