my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
