Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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