I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
