FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
