If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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