well I can't set my house on fire every night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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