I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
