oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
