my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
