You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
