i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you traded sex for a burrito?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
