Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
