I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
