Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
