We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
