Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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