Kareoke will never be a sober sport
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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