My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
