Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
