Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you will always have a special place in my vag
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
