why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
