You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
