This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
