Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
