just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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