If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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